Thursday, May 22, 2014

Lonely

  I haven't posted anything in a long time.  I have had many struggles and haven't felt like putting it out there for anyone.  So many things have become overwhelming to me lately but the biggest has been a never ending feeling of loneliness.

  My dream, ever since I was small, has been to be a wife and mom. Every night I beg and plead with my heavenly father that I might find someone to spend the rest of my life with.  I hate being alone! I have done it for so long and I have tried to be OK with it but I'm not. Also, I have sadly and heart breakingly come to realize that I will never have my own children, at least in this lifetime.  How does one come to accept such a thing?

  When I think of preparing to come to this earth I imagine some sort of  preview of what you are in for here in this life.  I have such a hard time thinking that as I heard the list of: you will be an only child, you will lose both of your parents before you are 36, you will likely not have a husband and you won't have children, I said yep sounds great sign me up and send me down.  It feels like my "test or trial" has turned into a punishment of some sort.  Don't think for one minute that I believe that being married would solve all my problems.  I am very aware of the daily struggles that go on and that married life is no cake walk.

   I want more than anything someone who loves me and cares about me, someone I can laugh with and lean on when there are hard times. I want a best friend that wants to spend time with me. Is it too much to ask to find someone I can be happy with?  I feel like I am running out of time for this dream as well.

Sunday, January 26, 2014

Another "No Spend" month coming up

Howdy all!  Yes I am still around, life has been a crazy for me lately. Among everything going on, I have decided that, it is once again time for a "no spend" month.  I am working on building my new washer and dryer fund so what I don't spend will go toward that.   

Anyone that has been following me at all knows how this goes but on the off chance there are some newbies out there it is pretty simple.  Other than food and gas I don't spend any money for the whole month.  I know this might sound like a real boring month for some of you but it really isn't.  I have SO many half finished/not yet started projects that I easily have a months worth of things to do.  These projects aren't just crafty, I have plenty of cleaning and organization that could be done.  I also have a stack of books a mile high to read.  My little buddy is hours of entertainment for me too.  Let's not forget there is always exercise, if I could stand to breath the air outside!

What would you do for your own "no spend" month?

Tuesday, December 24, 2013

A little dippy

Since I have a few days off work I thought I would try out a new recipe last night. I found this recipe  at Smells like Home for a dill pickle dip which is right up my palates alley!  I have always been a huge fan of dill pickles, I even used to can them every fall.  I had the recipe memorized as a kid.  While I haven't made any for years I can still appreciate a good dill.  


Dill Pickle Dip

INGREDIENTS
  • 8 oz cream cheese (at room temperature or softened slightly in the microwave for about 20 seconds)
  • ½ cup sour cream or Greek yogurt
  • 1 cup chopped dill or garlic dill pickles
  • 1 tbsp Worcestershire sauce
  • Pickle juice
  • Kosher salt and freshly ground black pepper
INSTRUCTIONS

  1. In a medium bowl, mix the cream cheese sour cream, pickles, and Worcestershire sauce together. Add a couple tablespoons of pickle juice if the dip is too thick and continue to add a little at a time until you reach your desired consistency. Season with salt and pepper to taste. Refrigerate at least 1 hour before serving.
Becky's Notes: I used the sour cream instead of the Greek yogurt and also added quite a bit of pickle juice.  I really suggest letting it sit in the fridge for the flavors to mix.  I tried some last night and it was pretty good but put in the fridge for the night.  I tested it out again this morning and oh my goodness...this stuff was fantastic.

  I give this a double thumbs up and will definitely be adding this into my appetizer recipe collection.  Keeper for sure!

Sunday, November 24, 2013

Dog Days...

I love dogs.  When I was little, mom and I were out shopping at fashion place mall when we happened past their pet store.  I immediately fell in love with this copper colored puppy we saw in the window.  Mom took me in and the workers got him out for me and we even got to go in a back room and play with him for awhile.  We left the store without him and I cried all the way home.  This was before the days of cell phones and she just didn't want to surprise my dad by coming home with an animal he knew nothing about.  Luckily my dad had a soft spot for me and animals so we went back the next day and got him.   I named him Cinnamon Muffin Morrison AKA Cinni.

I loved my Cinni and I did take the responsibility for him. I fed him, walked him, played with him, took him to the vet when I was old enough but his heart belonged to my dad.  He was a great companion to both of us and was very sensitive to my dads health issues.  Cinni came to know when dad was going into diabetic reaction and would come get me and or my mom.  He even saved my dads life on two different occasions.  Once dad died Cinni wasn't quite the same.  Sure he was older but his little spark of personality wasn't there as much.  



Cinnamon lived for 17 years and I happened to be home from college the day he died.  I sure missed my friend.


Shortly after I moved into my townhouse, I started looking for another dog. My cousin Mary's friend had a dog that had just had a huge liter of Mini American Eskimo puppies.  I went to visit them and most of the puppies had already been sold.  This cute fluff ball was one of still unclaimed. I made the decision right then to get him and Micco joined my family as soon as he was ready to leave his mom.  

Oh how happy Micco made me the 12 and a half years I had him.  He got me through some of the roughest times I have faced so far.  He was always happy and so fun to play with.  Even when his health wasn't the greatest he could cheer me up.  I can honestly say he was my best friend.  

Micco died on the 3rd of July a few years ago, that was a very hard day for me.

Last night I, once again, added a little four legged friend to my family and life.  My friend Kennya's dog had puppies and I made the choice to get one of them.  He is a Yorkie with a spunky little personality.  I haven't even had him 24 hours but he makes me laugh with the silly things he does.  I can already tell he is has a stubborn streak in him.  I wouldn't have been able to get it if it wasn't for the kindness and generosity of my neighbors a couple of doors down.  They also have Yorkies and I spoke with them a few times when trying to decide whether or not to get him.  They have offered to let him go over there during the day while I am at work so he isn't home all alone.  He will start doggie day care tomorrow.  
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So everyone...I would like to introduce you to Cosmo!!


Spending some time this morning getting used to his new home.


He isn't so sure about the camera yet.


He sleeps with his tongue out. 

Friday, November 15, 2013

Finding my style

I have no style, never have, and it has gotten progressively worse the past 4 years.  Since I started back at the hospital I have all but given up on trying to look nice anymore.  It makes no sense to me to get up and get "ready" for the day when I am going to change into ugly green scrubs and put a hat on for at least 8 hours in less than an hour.  

On a typical day I have on jeans, an ill fitting t-shirt, wet hair pulled back in a bun and zero make up on.  I look pretty run down.  The rare day that I have to look nice I am in total panic.

  For some reason I think that putting on a tank and sweater is going to take longer than throwing on a t-shirt.  Dumb, I know, but that's the way my brain works.  I have been pinning outfits that I love for over a year on Pinterest and the majority of them do involve jeans.  I LOVE jeans and I don't think that will ever change but what I put with them sure could use a lift.  I get so hung up on not being able to find clothes to fit that I don't enjoy shopping.  I'm sure there is stuff out there but it isn't jumping off the racks for me like it does for many others.  

Another huge problem is my hair.  It has grown really long. In fact, this could be the longest it has ever been but it just looks gross most the time.  It is pretty much just one length and no bangs.  Every time I get it cut short I regret it about a day later.  Then I spend the next year or so growing it out again.  I like it curled but I only do that about once a month and then I am disappointed because the curl doesn't stay in long no matter what I put in it.  

Did I mention make up?  Yeah....I don't wear it much anymore.  I don't feel like I know how to put it on properly and generally feel like a clown.  I do own some and wear it on occasion but it's not part of my daily routine anymore.

So there you have it, me in a nut shell.  Nice visual eh?  Well, I have decided that this is not acceptable anymore!  I just have to figure out how to fix it all and do it on a budget. I am hoping over the next few months to make some noticeable changes.  I can't do anything about looking like a hobo at work but I can control what I look like otherwise.

I think the first change needs to be finally figuring out a hairstyle that will work for me.  I like having length but I want something that has some shape instead of just hanging there.  The tricky part is it has to be easy to do or it won't get done.  Just the thought of an extra 10 minutes to dry it every morning makes me crazy.  The quest is cute hair with little to no work involved.  Wish me luck!

Sunday, November 10, 2013

Guest library

It's no secret that I love books.  My parents were both elementary teachers so reading was always an important part of my childhood.  I remember my best friend was at my house one day and looking at my bookshelf and asking in amazement, "Have you read all of these"?  At the time I probably only had 30-40 books, mostly Nancy Drew and Hardy Boys mysteries along with my Little House on the Prairie series, but I proudly answered YES!  I had read them and so many more. 

A few weeks ago I went up to Heber City to the scrapbook retreat that I attend on a regular basis.  The house we stay in is huge with lots of room to work and play for about 20 ladies.  This particular house is a year round rental property.  One night I was doing laundry and didn't want to work on anything while I was waiting for it to finish....it was about 3 AM, I decided to go get a book.  



Here is the selection of books in the "guest library".  Nothing really appealed to me so I ended up grabbing the one below. 


Part of the reason I choose this one was that it was short.  If it was of any interest I could actually finish it while I was there.  Turns out it wasn't that exciting and I put it back the next morning.  

This got me thinking, if I was putting together a guest room or reading section for visitors what would books would I offer?  I know that book preferences are as varied as the individuals which makes putting something together a bit of a challenge.  So here is my question for you...If you were to pick 15-20 books for someone to choose from what would you pick and why?


Sunday, October 27, 2013

Organize me!

Organization is not my thing.  I grew up in a pretty structured environment due to my dads health and our family dynamic.  Somehow none of these things really stuck with me once I left home and It has been a battle for me ever since.  I think another part of my problem is I am a bit of a perfectionist.  If it can't be done completely and perfect I don't want to even try.  I am working with that inner conflict to get past the all of nothing mentality and just start.  Something is better than nothing right?  Here's to hoping for some noticeable progress in the coming weeks.